I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize