She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
