I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
