I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
