dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
