heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
