As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
