I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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