Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
