just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize