Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
