She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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