Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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