oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
