we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
