I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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