I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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