The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
