Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
