eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
