a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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