the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
