Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
