6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
