11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
