you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
