I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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