My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
