A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
