I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
