you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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