at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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