Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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