Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
