I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
