So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
