winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize