i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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