i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
