All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
