maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
