I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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