fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
