I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
