I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
