see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
