my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize