I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
