Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
