Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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