After last night, I could never be a politician.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
