Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
