New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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