My room smells like vodka and shame
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have feelings that need drinking.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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