Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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