i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
