your parents love me but you hate me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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