This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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