oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
