what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
