I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize