i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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