Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
