apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Damn victory sex feels great
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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