pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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