Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
